Call it adversity. Call it challenge. Life is full of change whether it happens by choice or by chance. It can be difficult to avoid becoming stressed or discouraged when you're in the middle of handling the death of a loved one, a move, the loss of a job, a change in your group of friends – buying a new car. So how do you keep your chin up and look for the positive in the situation?
Life coach and health guru Laura Lewis offers several basic, tangible steps to avoid getting bogged down in the negative side of change:
1. Acknowledge that change is happening, and it's uncomfortable. That's the first step. The simple act of admitting that to yourself will put you on the way to feeling better whether you realize it or not.
2. Remind yourself too that gifts can be found in strange places. Maybe this uncomfortable situation will yield a new friend.
3. It's difficult to be objective when you're in the middle of a difficult situation, so talk about your feelings with a supportive friend or relative, your minister or a therapist. And make sure it's someone you trust to tell you what you need to hear rather than what you want to hear.
4. Listen to how you talk to yourself. For example, if you find yourself thinking, "I'll never get through this," change your inner dialogue. Instead, tell yourself, "This too shall pass."
5. Reassess the situation. Take a step back and try to get a fresh look at what's bothering you. Maybe you set an impossible goal for yourself, or maybe it's not your fault something went wrong. A fresh perspective can do wonders for your confidence.
6. Give yourself a pep talk. When you find yourself dreading a situation, take five minutes to think about how to change your thinking. For instance, if you are about to deal with a difficult person, tell yourself, "Yes this will be hard, but it will only last 5 minutes!"
7. Surround yourself with positive people and distance yourself from negative ones. Make an effort to create a group of supportive, happy friends, and be a good friend in return.
8. When you're getting overwhelmed, reach out and rest. It's important to recognize your limits, decide what will make you feel better, and act. This could mean calling a friend for dinner, taking a bubble bath, hitting some golf balls, or simply curling up on the couch to watch a favorite movie.
9. Accept when it's time to move on. Acknowledge that you can't fix every problem. This may mean removing yourself from an adverse situation, forgiving old hurts, or releasing yourself from the shackles of a childhood label.
Shifting your focus from the negative to the positive has a calming effect – like a weight being lifted. And as these basic principles become habit, adds Lewis, you'll also find change, and its byproduct, stress, much easier to handle.
Lewis offers another exercise for infusing your life with positive energy and making it more like you want it to be: A Day in My Ultimate Life.
Get a pen and paper, or sit down at the computer, and relax.
Imagine your perfect day and write out exactly how you see it – and remember, this is your perfect day, not a realistic day. Picture yourself from the moment you awake until you go to sleep that night and capture as many details as possible – everything you'd like to do that day, the people you'd like to have around you, what you'd wear, what you'd eat, etc.
Next, evaluate your list. What parts of that perfect day could you have in your life right now? What are the priorities? Now be realistic and ask yourself: "What steps I can take to incorporate some of these things into my everyday life?"
Say that your perfect day includes treating yourself to a box of imported chocolates every day and never gaining weight. Well, that's not likely to work out for you, but you could do it for yourself on special days, or treat yourself to one chocolate a day.
If your perfect day includes getting your whole family together for dinner and fun activities, acknowledge that, with everyone's busy schedules, it probably won't happen every night. Then designate a night or two each week – Tuesdays and Thursdays, for example – that works for everyone, and make the most of it.
Whatever the perfect day for you, find a way to incorporate some of those moments into your life. It will improve your overall happiness, relieve stress and help you focus on the good things in life.
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Laura Lewis, a health and wellness coach for 20 years, is based in Dallas, Texas. She is the author of 52 Ways to Live a Long and Healthy Life and has hosted numerous radio shows and webcasts on wellness topics. |
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